Kamis, 19 September 2013

Pulang ke Kotamu



Hari itu aku kembali, kesana, di kotamu
Banyak rencana dan hal yang ingin kulakukan disana, dan bagian menarik dari yang kurencanakan adalah melakukan semua yang ingin kulakukan disana bersamamu :)

Apa itu terdengar terlalu mengatur jadwalmu?
I don't care...karena saat - saat bersamamu belakangan ini lambat laun menjadi langka. Mimpi, cita-cita, harapan, beban, pekerjaan, kesibukan, dll menyita separuh kebersamaan yang manis.

"Jangan kaget ya, lusa aku ke Palembang" katamu saat menelponku.

Lagi-lagi kamu harus pergi dan itu pasti untuk waktu yang lama. Enaknya jadi kamu, punya pekerjaan yang selalu bepergian kesana kemari, ditempat yang baru, suasana baru, kantor baru, orang baru, teman baru, (ups... but don't even think about new "heart").

Akhirnya, setelah sekian lama menunggu, kini tiba saatnya berjibaku dengan kerjaan - kerjaanmu lagi. Aku bisa apa selain membiarkanmu pergi, rinduku hanya bisa menunggu dengan sabar, disini.

Baru seminggu lalu aku tiba disini, dan sekarang aku bergegas lagi untuk pergi. Kesana, ke kotamu, menyelsaikan urusan dan kepentinganku sendiri, dan... bertemu denganmu, sebelum kamu terbang lagi ke Palembang.

 ****
Tak banyak waktu yang bisa kuhabiskan denganmu, besok, pagi-pagi, kamu sudah harus terbang, dan meski aku telah berada disini, bersamamu lagi, aku tak bisa serta merta  mengantarmu ke bandara. Apa kata teman - temanmu nanti :(
**** 

Pesawatmu mungkin saja masih di apron, belum push back, atau kamu bahkan belum check in, belum apa - apa, tapi sepertinya kamu sudah terbang melayang - layang membawa semua rasa dihatiku. Ini bukan yang pertama kalinya aku ditinggal olehmu, tapi hampir ini saja rasa yang kamu titip tiap kali kamu pergi.

Kotamu yang begitu ramai tiba - tiba sepi, urusan dan keperluan yang ingin dan harus kuselesaikan saat itu seolah beban yang tidak bisa kukerjakan sendiri, aku butuh teman untuk membantuku melakukan dan menyelesaikannya, aku butuh kamu.

Perhatianku begitu serius tertuju pada tumpukan - tumpukan buku yang tersusun tak begitu rapi di rak - rak baca toko buku ini, mencari berbagai literatur bahasa Indonesia. Tapi toko buku besar ini sama sekali tak memuaskanku, bagaimana mungkin literatur dan semua buku bahasa Indonesia yang menurutku penting dan semestinya dijual disini, malah tidak ada. Ini toko buku besar, tempat mahasiswa dan semua kutu buku berburu buku, dan yang terpenting, ini Indonesia, tapi apa yang kudapat, buku - buku bahan ajar dan belajar bahasa Indonesia hanya tersedia sebanyak satu rak kecil, masih kalah banyak dengan koleksi novel, komik, majalah, bahkan buku - buku bahasa Inggris. Hugh...

Kekecewaanku coba ku obati dengan melirik koleksi buku - buku sastra, diujung belakang toko ini, melihat dan sedikit mencuri - curi kesempatan membaca beberapa sinopsis novel pembangun jiwa.  Lantunan musik instrumental romantis yang diputar ditoko ini membawa hawa lain didadaku. Akh... tiga minggu lalu, aku masih disini, bersamamu mencari dan akhirnya membeli salah satu novel best seller karangan Ahmad Fuadi.

Kurogoh kantong jeans, meraih handphone dan mencari namamu diantara barisan nama - nama lainnya, "nomor yang anda tuju sedang tidak aktif", begitu kata operator saat aku mencoba menghubungimu. Saat ini kamu mungkin tengah duduk santai dikursi empuk pesawat menikmati perjalanan perdanamu ke Palembang. Dan disini, aku terjebak oleh rinduku sendiri diantara susunan buku - buku lokal dan impor jualan salah satu toko buku ternama dikotamu.

Kepergianmu melesapkan riuh ramai kota ini. Jalan - jalan yang membekaskan jejak - jejak kenangan kitapun merupa senyap meski dijejali lalu lalang orang - orang. Ah kamu... lagi - lagi merambatkan hawa dingin di dinding hatiku.

Ternyata, arti hadirmu bukan sekedar siulan nada indah didada, tapi juga keinginanku akan keberadaan sosokmu disampingku, saat aku disini, pulang ke kotamu.

Selasa, 10 September 2013

Letter of Heart

I still remember all those things about you. Your eyes, your lips, your hair, the smile on your pretty face, were so close. 
I could see it again, the day you came – giving two sheet letter of your heart. I was study in the mosque terrace, read quite thick book as a preparation of the examination for tomorrow.  It was daylight, made so much surely step to me with the paper folds in your hand.  You gave it to me and I take it. You still there – sitting on second stair not far from me without any words to say but watched me through your sharp eyes.  Of course we didn’t make some nice conversation because I never show you friendly respect that I should give, but you make it ok and smile to me once again. Felt it so silly at the time.

I read your heart that written on the sheets in my dorm, and thought it was wrong. We couldn’t make like you dream, I folded them – whispering apologize then I wrote you something that you don’t expect.


That black sharp eyes looked at me deeply. You smile again when received my letter but I know your heart beats fast, asking one question,” Do I love like you did?”  Guy I am so sorry, you must be sad after read it. Couldn’t help to see your beauty smile wondering it will be ok, I left you soon, but my heart stick beside you and feels the broken.

You came to me, once, twice and three times asking my heart but I stand on my own, sorry can’t take in you by my side.  Just like the fighter, you never give up to me, someday you come up, again, and I finally fall on your seriousness.
 I still remember all those things about you. Your eyes, your lips, your hair, the smile on your pretty face, were so close.

Suddenly, I made another decision, I begin you to break the sweetness, and of course you refuse it. But in my mind, love is shouldn’t like this, with all doubt, like happened to us or may be just happened to me. I still didn’t believe that I am the only one in your head. I thought you still don’t forget that it just only a week after you write a special romantic letter to my best friend, then you get her reply. She refused you, it was written clearly on the paper that you read. 


May be you never know she just laugh when she show me your romantic words, “Oh wow, this such a pretty sentence, is that mean he loved me? how come he get that feeling to me? No, I can’t, he’s not the one I want” she said.  
It just about a week after she broke your feeling, then you also write to me a letter of your heart, even it not as romantic as you write to her, it not the reason why I doubt, but it because you only need a little time to salve your pain to falling love again, with me. I didn’t deny that I was though I am only the escapee of you.  

At daylight, sitting in front of me – your sharp eyes looked deeply into my eyes trying to show me that you not lie.  You may be sent two letters to another different heart to ask but you’ve been decided the one you really want to. Is that right? But why I still can’t be separate with my doubt. If she didn’t refuse you at the time, is it possible to turn your heart to me? Am I possibly having the chance to be loved like this?

You turned around once again but you can’t catch the thing you want as before. You fight for yourself once again but I am too proud with my own opinion that I am only the escapee.

 I still remember all those things about you. Your eyes, your lips, your hair, the smile on your pretty face, were so close.
I asked you to leave for a while and if you really can’t leave, you might come again may be at the time I will completely believe that I am the only one you need. You agreed with that and promise me will be back to years later. You gave me very long time chance to think that your love is true and its only belongs to me.  

There is something you didn’t know, watching your back – loneliness painful in my life.  I honestly love you so much but I want make it sure that you have it too, and it will be proved in next two years. You’ll come as you promised me. 
Would you .... ???

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